Trust

I feel that I am reeling from another episode of "Don't Trust Anyone!". At least that is often the message that runs through our hearts and minds when we feel our trust has been betrayed. So I begin to wonder...who can I trust...can I trust anyone...did Jesus trust anyone?

I'm reminded of the verses where Jesus did not entrust himself to the crowds because he knew their hearts. He knew how fickle men's hearts are. One moment they are ademant about their determination to "die for you"....as in Peter's response. The next moment they are either calling for your death or denying they ever knew you.

Yet in spite of the fact that Jesus knew who would betray him and who would deny him, he still loved and he still surrendered responsibilities to others. In effect...he "trusted" them to do certain things for him and he did not withhold friendship. Knowing all of this he was still willing to call them "friends" at the last supper.

Now fast forward to my feelings of betrayal. Why is it such a devastation to me...and to many who experience similar or worse? Is it because we have done what Jesus refused to do...we have placed our trust in the hearts of people. Have I placed fragile trust into the hands of those whose trust is even more fragile?

Perhaps the only "safe" place for my trust - for the trust of the fragile parts of my being - is in Jesus alone! He alone is consistant and faithful in his love for me. He alone has the capacity to guard, protect, defend, deliver, and rescue my soul from all of the attacks of the enemy against my heart and soul. Everyone else will betray to one degree or another. It's only a matter of time.

Now that doesn't mean that I stop trusting what someone does or says...only that I release them from needing to be perfect especially in regard to issues of the heart...my heart.

I find myself feeling disilloussioned with all of my attempts at trying to find someone that I can trust with the deep core truths of who I am. Someone who will accept me and see my intrinsic value. Someone who will look beyond the flaws and see real beauty...or at least draw it out...especially when I don't see it in myself. Many try to find this in a marriage or intimate relationship only to discover that the other person doesn't have the full capacity to love them completely. They feel betrayed...either by the person or by the promise marriage seems to offer.

I think what I really long for is the love of Jesus! I didn't realize how determined I was to find this in a relationship or a job or an ability. I will always feel betrayed and actually be betrayed by others, by a job, and yes, by my own ability to perform.

I won't be able to let others or myself off the hook until I come to find my true rest in the love of Jesus.