Trust

I feel that I am reeling from another episode of "Don't Trust Anyone!". At least that is often the message that runs through our hearts and minds when we feel our trust has been betrayed. So I begin to wonder...who can I trust...can I trust anyone...did Jesus trust anyone?

I'm reminded of the verses where Jesus did not entrust himself to the crowds because he knew their hearts. He knew how fickle men's hearts are. One moment they are ademant about their determination to "die for you"....as in Peter's response. The next moment they are either calling for your death or denying they ever knew you.

Yet in spite of the fact that Jesus knew who would betray him and who would deny him, he still loved and he still surrendered responsibilities to others. In effect...he "trusted" them to do certain things for him and he did not withhold friendship. Knowing all of this he was still willing to call them "friends" at the last supper.

Now fast forward to my feelings of betrayal. Why is it such a devastation to me...and to many who experience similar or worse? Is it because we have done what Jesus refused to do...we have placed our trust in the hearts of people. Have I placed fragile trust into the hands of those whose trust is even more fragile?

Perhaps the only "safe" place for my trust - for the trust of the fragile parts of my being - is in Jesus alone! He alone is consistant and faithful in his love for me. He alone has the capacity to guard, protect, defend, deliver, and rescue my soul from all of the attacks of the enemy against my heart and soul. Everyone else will betray to one degree or another. It's only a matter of time.

Now that doesn't mean that I stop trusting what someone does or says...only that I release them from needing to be perfect especially in regard to issues of the heart...my heart.

I find myself feeling disilloussioned with all of my attempts at trying to find someone that I can trust with the deep core truths of who I am. Someone who will accept me and see my intrinsic value. Someone who will look beyond the flaws and see real beauty...or at least draw it out...especially when I don't see it in myself. Many try to find this in a marriage or intimate relationship only to discover that the other person doesn't have the full capacity to love them completely. They feel betrayed...either by the person or by the promise marriage seems to offer.

I think what I really long for is the love of Jesus! I didn't realize how determined I was to find this in a relationship or a job or an ability. I will always feel betrayed and actually be betrayed by others, by a job, and yes, by my own ability to perform.

I won't be able to let others or myself off the hook until I come to find my true rest in the love of Jesus.

The Gift of Suffering

I limped into Panera Bread with my mind reeling from a whirl of thoughts over my recent job loss. How could they have done this to me when they had always told me how important I was to the very essence of what was getting done? It didn't make any sense to me. I had started out on the basis of relationship and now I was being treated like any hired hand. Did they think so little of my friendship that they could dismiss me so easily?? But...I digress...

Now I needed to pick up what pieces remain of my sense of value and move forward.

As I walked through the doors of Panera's, I scanned for an empty table with a plug for my laptop. My eyes drifted over to a familiar face. I approached with a slight touch to his shoulder. Startled, he popped his head up and greeted me. A long time friend of my parents, Ken was busy getting ready for a presentation to a group in a couple of hours.

We soon found ourselves in a deeper conversation than anticipated. There must have been something of my struggle written on my face. "Not everyone is willing to embrace their struggles or suffering", he said. His wife was a cancer survivor, so he was not unfamiliar with those unanswered questions of "why" and "why me".

Most people when you talk to them of suffering try to change the subject or come up with a reason as to why you are in such a situation...as if it's your fault. But suffering happens. It's not an accident. It's a divine intervention of one sort or another. Not because God is mean, but because He is in the process of performing something precious in and through our lives. "God entrusted us with that experience at that point in time...", Ken commented. That word "entrusted" caught my attention.

Yes...God had entrusted these recent events to me. He is counting on me to trust that He is going to do something far greater than I could imagine. I may not see it now. I may not see it ever. But high in the heavenly courts above there is a scale of trust to which I can add my little portion to say that "God is good" and "God is faithful". I will add my testimony that will last throughout eternity. It doesn't matter if anyone sees my confession now because it will be forever posted in that eternal Hall of Faith.

It's as if God is saying..."Go ahead...make my day...show them again how faithful I am to those I love!! Give me another chance to prove my faithful mercies to you and to them.". I have been thrown into an arena of impossibility where God demonstrates His great love and provision.

I wish I knew the outcome. I wish I could say that I would get a better job or an easier road. Reality is that the road doesn't really get easier. In fact, it may get harder. Yet, I have seen God provide in ways that I could never have figured out on my own. His peace comes in waves that defy the fear, pain, and suffering that life brings.

Embrace the gift of suffering. Sounds a bit dark and depressing. Embrace it with Jesus and suffering turns to a place of peace and rest...a true gift indeed.

God causes the growth

As I looked out over our backyard watching the sprinkler system run its course, I began to realize how little control I have over the growth of the lawn. During a series of dry spells and confusion over getting the sprinkler system set up, the lawn had developed some serious patches of brown dry grass. Even after consistently watering twice a day for a few weeks...the brown patches showed only faint signs of change.

As I watched my attempts at turning brown grass green I was reminded of the verses in I Cor 3:5-6. All we can do is plant and water, but the growth comes from God alone.

How easily I slip into thinking that I can actually "make" anything grow. I do my part and trust that God will do His part. However, doing my part does not require that God fulfill His part to my satisfaction.

I am on the edge of getting back into teaching on Natural Health at a nearby Chiropractors office. It is both encouraging and scary all at the same time. The last time I pursued this line of work I became very discouraged with my "success".

Maybe I am falling into the American trap of determining my worth and value based on my "success". Is this not the same as trying to "make" things grow? God doesn't call me to success...He calls me to obedience and faithfulness. Success or growth is His job...not mine!

You know...that is actually a very encouraging thought!! I am free to communicate what I know without the burden of "making" people adopt a healthy lifestyle.

By God's grace I can do what I love and leave the results up to Him!!

Getting Started

It's a bit of a trial just getting this blog off the ground and connected to facebook. Look for this on my facebook page. (Melanie Duke).